A  Full of Words

— A Look at American Word Humor —

Tom Swiftlies

’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.  This kind of pun is called a Tom Swiftly (not a Tom Swifty, as given on some Internet sites) as a ridicule of the writing style found in the old Tom Swift adventure books; i.e., too often putting an adverb (typically ending in ly) after a quotation.  There are some Tom Swiftlies that are strictly verbal puns like “That is a sick bird,” said Tom illegally.  (It would be a literal pun if the spelling were illeaglely.)  All the ones shown here are literally accurate, relying on the double meaning of a word, or part of a word, for the pun.

“Quick, what’s my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

“I hate math,” Tom added.

“I’ve got a new watch,” Tom said with abandon.

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

“Fish seem to like me,” Tom said with baited breath.

“This is the wrong tree,” Tom barked as he climbed up.

“I’m in the shower,” called out Tom barely audible.

“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.

“We can’t let the fire die out,” Tom bellowed.

“I knew the gun wasn’t loaded,” Tom said blankly.

“Do you think I’m a dull person?” Tom asked bluntly.

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

“For goodness sakes, use a broom,” Tom bristled.

“Strike three,” Tom called out.

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.

“There’s no place for the kitchen sink,” said Tom counterproductively.

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

“Lights, camera, action!” Tom said directly.

“Don't call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

“I can talk faster than you,” Tom expressed.

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

“I clubbed a diamondback snake with a spade,” Tom said heartlessly.

“The devil made me do it,” Tom implied.

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

“Has the bear gone away?” asked Tom intently.

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

“I’m an average guy,” said Tom meanly.

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

“Sesame,” said Tom openly.

“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.

“I’ve been waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.

“I’m here,” said Tom presently.

“I got demoted,” Tom admitted privately.

“I teach economics at the university,” Tom professed.

“I think we were cheated,” Tom recounted.

“I'm your mother's brother's father-in-law's son,” Tom related.

“Here is your hamburger,” said Tom with relish.

“We’d like a table for two,” said Tom without reservation.

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

“Damn it, look at the camera!” Tom snapped.

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

“I'm from Missouri,” Tom stated.

Tom spoke tirelessly. “And then someone stole my bicycle wheels.”

“I have no idea,” said Tom thoughtlessly.

“I was raised in a foster home,” said Tom transparently.

“I need some suspenders for my pants,” Tom upheld.

“Absolutely, totally, completely,” Tom uttered.

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

“Would you stop horsing around!” yelled Tom woefully.