A  Full of Words

— A Look at American Word Humor —

Fractured Definitions

ometimes only part of a word suggests an erroneous and often comical definition quite unrelated to the word’s historical roots, and these words often give rise to daffynitions.  When used in a sentence such words produce fractured definitions.  Here are a few such words in a context that betrays their actual meaning.

Venus de Milo has no arms, and that is an artifact.

Imitating the old masters, Mason Jarz considered his paintings artificial.

Rather than tutoring, local school districts choose classic instruction.

We are led to believe that the early colonists were a gutsy people.

Moe Pedd was so sure of himself that he usually gave confidential speeches.

Blue skies, no worries, and a warm puppy makes one very contentious.

The annual meeting of the Association of Retired Nuns was quite conventional.

At the nunnery, habits are conventional.

It is unfortunate America has not decimated its weights and measures.

Charlie didn’t discuss his language until he got a mouth full of soap.

As a mattress tester, Cele Scinn was embedded in her work.

Having lost 110 pounds Cass Tinetts was certainly an example person.

Critics say the Bean Town Choir sings a little flatulent.

Loud rock concerts will bring harmony to the ears of young adults

When Carrie Meholm looked at the Rorschach picture, she had no inkling of what it was.

It was a thing of fairy tales how Dumbo matured so early.

After only two martinis, Tom Foolery’s morals became laxative.

Fortunately the ship was listless; unfortunately so were the sailors.

Juan Toothree thought a manicurist could solve his impotence.

Mr. Ed grew tired of the sound of nightmares in the neighboring stable

Without a mirror, Cory Gated found it difficult to comb his hair partly down the middle.

Sarah Moeny is ecstatic whenever she partakes in golf.

Edgar Allen’s “Raven” is a good example of poetry.

When the knife broke, Hy Tailitt realized he had a pretender steak.

Instead of being an active person, Max Emize chose to be a restive one.

The salesman was shocked to find the woman at the door shiftless.

As press secretary, Ella Fant turned out to be a fine spinster.

Chuck Hoell bragged that he was a spokesman at the bicycle factory.

Burning the candle at both ends is a wicked thing to do.

There definitely is nothing sublime about lemons.

Kim Burly got subtraction with her bald tires in the snow.

By living in the city sewers, Emma Nent qualified as a suburban resident.

Hiring all non-permanent employees is a major temptation.

Backing into a good job requires untoward behavior.

Wearing mink gave Mona Longtyme a furious feeling.

The jury was amused by the prosecutor’s witness and charm.